Out of control!

I had a conversation with God this morning. Usually I talk a lot and I don't listen (that is the case in most of my relationships), or I don't know that he is talking to me, or I am just not wanting to hear what he has to say, but today we talked. The conversation we went something like this: Me(journaling): Lord, I don't know what is wrong with me. I seem to be incapable to doing the right thing. I can't get up early in the mornings, I can't keep my apartment clean, I can't stay off of facebook. I can't stop over-eating, and my anger is out of control!" God "Out of YOUR control, not out of mine." I was not sure if this was really something I heard from God, but after that I really felt like I was supposed to work in my Celebrate Recovery workbook. It was a feeling that wouldn't go away, so I did. The lesson I was on in the book was a lesson on powerlessness. Principle 1 in Celebrate Recovery is "Realize I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable." Step one is "We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives had become unmanageable." The lesson goes on to talk about how there are really few things that we really have control over. I have been going to Celebrate Recovery since January. I am just now starting to work the steps, and now I'm wondering why I waited so long. God can use any situation to truly transform your life. He did this for me at Mercy Ministries (www.mercyministries.org) when he literally, saved my life physically and spiritually. I do not believe the ministry itself is what does it, it is JESUS. It is the same way with celebrate recovery. God uses this ministry and the people in this ministry to really help people find freedom from their problems, or hurts, habits, and hang-ups, as they say. This blog was not intended to be about celebrate recovery. This blog is supposed to be about God, and about how he can speak to us and we really can hear from him. Sometimes it's an audible voice. Sometimes it's through a person, sometimes it's a verse of scripture that was exactly what you needed to hear. For me, it was a still small voice this time. He has spoken to me in various ways over the years. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't. I want to be the woman that listens and obeys what he says, no matter what. In Luke 1:26-38, when the angel visits Mary and tells her that she will give birth to our Savior, her reply to him is "May it be to me as you have said." Wow. Why can't this be my response to God when he talks. Why can't I just say yes or ok and just do what he says or let him do what he says? I have a rebellious tendency. I don't like to be told what to do. That is a problem in many areas of life, but I extend that rebellion into my spiritual life. When God says do this, I say "well, I hear you, but I think I this way is better." No. It is not better! God's way is always best. I started this post in one direction, but it seems to have gone a different way. That is ok. Hopefully it is not hard to follow. The whole point of all of this is that I want God to be in control. Bottom line. I don't want to get in his way anymore. I want him to do what he wants, and I want to do what he says, without throwing in my 2 cents. God is in control. I am not. I am surrendering to him and letting him take the lead.